


Literate and Unexpected

by inspiredstork



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, I REGRET NOTHING, Not Beta Read, Self-Indulgent, The Author Regrets Nothing, does this count as crack?, he's not illiterate, jiraiya knows nothing about kids, jiraiya's kind of pervy, naruto can write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27034336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inspiredstork/pseuds/inspiredstork
Summary: In which Jiraiya needs to spend more time with kids because he clearly has no idea what he's doing, Naruto can actually read and write, quite well thank you, and Tsunade's gotten on the train and hasn't gotten off yet which is the extent of her participation.(Also a little bit of Kakashi because I can)
Relationships: Jiraiya & Tsunade (Naruto), Jiraiya & Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 17





	Literate and Unexpected

When Jiraiya takes Minato's kid to find Tsunade, he's unprepared for the strong and unrelenting headache that he's had for the last 3 hours. The reason? Naruto is wearing green spandex. A green spandex suit from Gai, no less. And if that wasn't enough, Naruto hasn't shut up about being youthful the whole way through, apparently trying to imitate Gai. 

Jiraiya regrets not being able to talk Naruto out of wearing it. He regrets not distracting Naruto so he could burn the damn suit. He regrets a lot of things, and this is the first warning sign that Jiraiya is woefully unprepared.

"Naruto!" he finally bellows, trying to intervene. He realizes immediately after that he has no idea what to distract the kid with. 

"Whaddya want, Pervy Sage?" Naruto scowls. He brightens for a minute. "Are you going to teach me a new technique?" 

Jiraiya thinks for a second. He did want to teach Naruto the Rasengan, but they're not as far from the village as he'd like. "Not yet, Naruto. But look, I've got a headache. Can you please be quiet?" A sudden thought strikes him. "Look, you can help me out with my new book! Help me edit or something!" Probably not his best move, but Jiraiya is desperate. 

Naruto thinks it over, screwing up his face. Then he lights up. "Okay, give it to me," he orders. Incredibly relieved, Jiraiya hands it over along with a pencil and a warning about ruining it. Overwhelmingly pleased that Naruto has shut up, he doesn't stop to question much as to how badly Naruto could screw up, and doesn't even think about what kind of havoc Naruto could wreak with it. Another oversight on his part. 

Since then, Naruto's incredibly quiet, poring over the new draft of Icha Icha. It's actually concerning for anyone who spends 5 minutes around Naruto when he's being enthusiastic as usual, but he's still nursing that headache and is just grateful that Naruto's shut up for once. At least that's how he feels for the first couple days. 

After that, he starts to get worried. Naruto's not completely obsessed with the draft, after all it would take more than Icha Icha to keep him away from training and learning at least one technique, but he doesn't bother Jiraiya even half as much as he did in the first hour of them leaving the village. 

Also, whenever he asks for the draft back, Naruto only sticks out his tongue, and practically shouts, "No! You can't have it back until I've finished editing it, you stupid pervy sage!" If Jiraiya persists, Naruto crumples the pages to his chest and practically hugs the little notebook so that Jiraiya can't snatch it. Jiraiya's a little impressed by the lengths Naruto will go to to keep the draft away from him, and not nearly as bothered as he could be. After all, it's worth it in the way that Naruto isn't bothering him about help, and is diligently practising the Rasengan. 

The drawbacks of not being able to continue writing are outweighed by what he gets out of it, AKA some peace and quiet from Naruto. He has no idea what Naruto is doing, but he seems very focused on the task, and besides, what's the worst he could do?

(Jiraiya will learn that those famous last words are famous for a reason, and that he should never, ever, _ever_ underestimate Naruto when he's determined to do something.)

Jiraiya spends most of his time away from Naruto, basically leaving the kid to his own devices, knowing that Naruto will train because he wants to be Hokage, and he wants to be strong, so there's no way he won't. And in his free time, Naruto will probably dedicate himself to Icha Icha. Jiraiya will probably regret not worrying about him more. 

So while Jiraiya works his way through bars and gambling places to see if Tsunade's around, Naruto is presumably either training or editing that precious draft of Icha Icha. Jiraiya's not worried. Well, not too worried. There's always a small part of him that worries when it comes to Naruto, but he trusts that the brat won't get into too much trouble. 

(Again, huge mistake.)

They're a couple months in when Jiraiya finally catches word of Tsunade being in a small town near the one where they're in currently. He packs up fast and goes to find Naruto, who's sitting under a tree with a swirl burnt into it, a sign that Naruto's been practicing the Rasengan. Naruto is reading a book with an orange cover, not unlike the ones of the Icha Icha series, but Naruto flips the book closed and tucks away before Jiraiya can see the title. 

Jiraiya doesn't have time to think about the cover of a book Naruto might have been reading, he's preoccupied with answering Naruto's questions and trying to get the kid to hurry up and follow him to Tsunade's location. He's so close. 

"Oi, Pervy Sage, slow down!" Naruto whines. Jiraiya speeds up. 

"We can't!" he shouts back. "Tsunade might be gone by the time we get there." He hears a huff behind him, but Naruto's footsteps hurry up as well. 

By the time they do get to the specified bar, it's already getting dark. "Oi, Pervy Sage, I can't drink," Naruto reminds him. 

"Well, there's still food you can have," Jiraiya tells him, ignoring Naruto's protests as he steers the blonde boy inside. He finds Tsunade at a table in the back corner with her helper and the pig, Tonton, getting drunk on sake. 

He sits down, and gets Naruto to sit down, and after the initial greeting, they do a bit of drinking, Jiraiya ordering some food from the waiter. It's kind of nice actually, considering he hasn't seen Tsunade in forever, but he has a mission that he has to fulfill. 

Of course, Tsunade cuts to the chase right away, blunt as always. She brushes off Jiraiya's explanation and immediately declines the hat. Jiraiya's not exactly surprised when Naruto gets worked up. Although Jiraiya tries to wrangle Naruto into submission, literally holding him back from launching himself across the table at Tsunade, it doesn't work because then Tsunade's getting riled up too and then they're both going outside to duke it out. 

Jiraiya tries his best not to facepalm as he watches from the side with Shizune, who's holding Tonton in her arms. Obviously, Naruto's not much of a match for Tsunade. He's only a genin, whereas Tsunade is one of the legendary Sannin. 

And then the bet. Jiraiya represses a sigh and the urge to stop it, knowing that neither of them are going to back down. Tsunade and Naruto are two peas in a pod when it comes to stubbornness. 

At least he gets a week of downtime. Naruto's out training all day, and sometimes doesn't even come back at night. He hangs out with Tsunade, but she drinks, and gambles, and drinks some more, not to mention Jiraiya keeps getting hit with her super strength. It's not his fault she's so attractive, but she doesn't see it that way. 

He takes some time out of his schedule to check up on Naruto, watching him decimate all the trees around him. There are so many spirals indented into the trees, and Naruto doesn't ever stop until he's exhausted. The kid has crazy stamina, but then again, he does have the Kyuubi's chakra to help him out, and he's an Uzumaki. 

By the end of the week, it doesn't seem like Naruto will win the bet. There are bigger things to worry about. Like the fact that Tsunade might just join Orochimaru. The night before, Jiraiya drinks with her, reminiscing and trying to keep an eye on her. 

When he wakes up, it's morning, and his system's all messed up. He can't mold chakra properly, and it's far too tough to try and get back to his and Naruto's shared room at the inn through the window. He stumbles a lot, and there are far too many near falls for him. 

The only thing he's truly focused on is that he has to kill at least one of his teammates, and he might have to kill his other teammate as well, if she decides to join Orochimaru. That's the most important thing right now. Everything else, he thinks, can wait until after. 

Orochimaru escapes. It's disappointing, and Jiraiya knows the snake bastard will be back. At least no one else is dead, and Tsunade's actually coming back with them. 

But of course, Naruto _still_ has his latest Icha Icha draft, and of course he's still not willing to give it back. Jiraiya needs it to write his new ideas down (absolutely not relating to this really hot brunette he saw earlier, absolutely not) but Naruto won't. Give. It. Back. 

Tsunade finds it hilarious, of course. No respect or sympathy for her teammate at all! Jiraiya sulks for the next three days. 

And finally, when they can see Konoha in the distance, Naruto pulls out the little notebook. "Listen up, Pervy Sage," he commands like the brat he is. 

"You listen, just give me back my precious Icha Icha draft, I need to get my next book published, otherwise all the fans are going to be left without entertainment," he reasons. 

"I'll give it back if you promise to actually use my hard work," Naruto declares. Sighing, Jiraiya thinks it over. 

"Okay fine," he acquiesces. "Now hand it over." Tsunade watches in amusement, albeit a little impatiently. They have completely stopped their journey for this vital matter of importance. 

Naruto does. Jiraiya can't believe that's all it took, after all the wheedling and forceful attempts he tried on the trip. He flips open the cover. It seems fine and doesn't seem to have been vandalised, thank Kami.

A few pages in, he finds the first edit, just some minor scribbles in the margins. "It seems fine," he decides. "Let's keep going, get our new Godaime Hokage to Konoha." Tsunade scoffs but doesn't say anything. 

Later, Jiraiya reads through all of Naruto's edits and comments. The kid's feedback is... not the disaster he was expecting. Of course, some of the more steamy scenes are shaved down a bit by Naruto, which Jiraiya doesn't really want to comply with. The steamy scenes are a major part of the book, he can't just shave off the juicy details!

But Naruto actually seems to have some talent in editing. Not what he expected, but some of the feedback is pretty solid, and it doesn't take much to decide that he is absolutely going to put in some of his godson's suggestions. 

(Naruto has told him offhandedly that his "pervy Kakashi-sensei" is a huge fan of the Icha Icha series. And, well. He wonders how Kakashi would react if Naruto were to tell him that he edited the new book, Icha Icha Tactics.)

(He doesn't realize until after the book has been published that Naruto somehow managed to engineer a code into the book. Neither Jiraiya nor his publisher noticed it, and it isn't until after someone comes up to him to ask that he realizes it's there. At that point, Jiraiya will regret all of his previous thoughts about the boy not stirring up trouble, and will swear to himself to never underestimate his godson again.)

**Bonus:**  
  
Kakashi strolls through the streets of Konoha, pausing at one of his favourite bookstores. Inside the store window, a new brightly coloured cover of the Icha Icha series stares back at him. 

Kakashi can feel a giddy smile tugging at his lips. Luckily, no one can tell because of the mask. He swings open the door and moves straight toward the aisle that he knows will hold the newest edition of Icha Icha. 

Spotting the brightly coloured book, Kakashi snatches it from the shelf and immediately opens it up to the very first page. It has the standard little blurb at the beginning, but this time there's something else too. 

_"With special recognition to one_ Uzumaki Naruto _, for helping edit and shape the story into a masterpiece."_

Kakashi blinks. He reads it again. Blinks again. Reads again. Checks for a genjutsu to make sure his eyes aren't fooling him. But no, his student's name, Minato-sensei's son's name, is right there in print on the page. 

What. Kakashi pays for the book at the counter absentmindedly, mind whirling. Instead of thinking about what the Icha Icha book will entail, he has a new mission. Find Uzumaki Naruto, his lovely and cute student, and find out how his name came to be in the latest Icha Icha edition immediately. 

**Author's Note:**

> Shizune, in the background: Not that I'm not glad to be settling down in one village for now, but Tsunade-shishou, are you sure that you want to follow them?  
> Tsunade, watching Naruto and Jiraiya fighting over a little notebook: It's too late to turn back now, Shizune. Besides, at least I'm getting some entertainment before I have to take the stupid hat. 
> 
> I don't remember where I got this idea but I had it, I wrote it, I took a long break, and I finished it. Now it's here. No hate please and thank you!


End file.
